So, think about this for a second. I am on this ultra high that we made it in to the Tribune, but then it all came crashing down the second I stepped foot in to the ICU unit at Glenbrook hospital. My grandma has a blood clot in her lungs (in addition to the lung cancer she was recently diagnosed with) and is on too many medications and connected to too many machines for me to understand right now.
If anyone knows my grandma, people know she is a feisty, strong, independent and hard-nosed, but also very loving women. Seeing her helpless in the hospital bed was real, knowing she might not get better is real, the thought of her dying is officially real. It blows to see her in this condition, but it gives me more reassurance on how fragile life is and how we need to cherish life and every breathe we take.
The Tribune was a special moment, but my grandma's illness supersedes everything. My grandma has provided me with so much help throughout my life. When my parents first divorced, my dad moved us in to her home in Riverwoods. She was a second mom to me and my brothers. I remember all of the wonderful trips we had with her and my Pappa Sy in Florida. My grandma is a powerful lady and her energy/spirit will live on forever no matter what happens to her physical body.
These emotions are serious. I don't take them lightly, but I also would never want my grandma to suffer. She deserves to be pain-free. I truly felt like sleeping at the hospital with her tonight because no one else will be there. I hope she wakes up to someone, but the fucking ICU can be one lonely place.
Ambition to living life is my shit and I put that on my name. I'm not trying to waste one minute let alone one day without protecting my happiness. Even with all of the access to the modern objets we have, we are still very primitive and live in a culture of survival of the fittest. I need to discover a community of supporters, where we can a family. S/O to random people who don't like to conform.