My grandma fought a tough breathing battle and she can now finally rest in peace. I am still in denial that she will never be here (physically), but I am also happy that she lived a long and blessed life, and that I was part of her life and learned so much from her on how to be strong, be honest and to enjoy life. 

She was diagnosed with lung cancer (stage 4) a few months ago and then began radiation to treat the cancer and brain legions. As soon as she started radiation, a few weeks later she passed out and the doctors discovered she had a blod clot in her lungs. As soon as that happened she went in to the ICU. Yesterday, at 3:30pm CST she passed away as peacefully as she could. 

My grandma was my second-mom. She was a fighter, hard nosed tough sone of a gun, but had a heart of gold. She was in Florida when I got the news and she told me not to worry and that she would fight this and she will be there when our baby girl is born (in October). Knowing how strong of a women she is, I thought for sure she was right. It is a shock that she passed away, but her entire immediate family, minus one person, was there to say good bye. She was conscious enough to say that she loved me before Lindsay and I left and then the doctors amped up the morphine and took off her breathing mask. Not even 30 mins later, she was gone. 

Looking at this realistically  it's so sad and such a loss. It also affects me because now my dad has officially lost both of his parents (both at an older age, but reality does settle in that death is inevitable). Grandma Glo can now reunite with all of her loved one's that have passed over, like her husband, brother, sister, my mom, her mom and dad and many others. I know she will be there when our baby is born in spirit with the rest of my family and I will miss her everyday. 

The era of my grandparents has officially ended. The world as I used to know it is over. Their house in Florida will be sold, her home in Mission hills will be gone and then everything becomes a memory. It was a beautiful thing to see my entire family unify during this time, get along (for the most part) and to see how much love was filled in the consultation room in the ER. 

With many hugs, love and kisses, Lindsay and I will miss you greatly Grandma-ma. Say hi to my mom, Stewy, Papa Sy, Aunt Roz, Grandpa Martin and the rest of the family. It's never goodbye, we will see each other again one day. I also hope there are unlimited slot machines for you to pull in heaven! 

All love,
Your grandson

The truth about starting up a talk show is that there a lot of ups and downs. I guess those emotions of happy, sad, uplifting, discouraged are all part of life in general. Today, I feel a block in my energy which is not allowing the creative juices to flow as naturally as I'd like them to be. So, how do I unblock this energy and open the floodgates? 

Writing is one of the best tools I use to purge. We all need to release some of the blockage in our creative channels in order to gently release the tightly clenched grip that I can feel around my neck -  and I need to dig deep in to my toolbox and to ask for help during this time. 

Coming home from Portland was a harder transition back to this life than I thought. Grinding and hustling the talk show is really hard. Building an audience that cares about the same content you do is not easy, but there are highs and lows in life and the goal is to stay present and remember that if today is low, tomorrow can be high. 

Getting high is a rush, right? That can be a metaphor for many things, but I am referring to the natural high of life - the times we feel like we're on cloud 9 without using a substance (even though everything is a substance). Is it ok to either be high or low? Or do we want to live in a medium in between both? Hard to call out now because my entire life has been based on highs and lows.

You might be confused on why I'm going on a tangent, but this is what helps me get unstuck and continue moving towards opening myself up. I chose to put my life in the public eye because I truly and sincerely hope that my feelings, my journey can help someone else out. Expect the truth and expect the DOG (DMX reference for my girl Justine) to bark when there's something wrong and to cuddle when something feels right. 

Everyday challenges and obstacles are thrown our way (consciously or sub-consciously) and it's cool. You can't ignore it. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that "Today I am feeling emotionally down." And that it is ok. I want to use this opportunity to write more, explore myself more and to continue down this path of greatness, but not everyday is going to be great.

I had a cool chat today with Dante Chestnut who's working on this cool campaign to assist inner-city kids that there are other options out there as opposed to street-violence. Violence can destroy not only the person who is inflicted with it, but also the person who performs the act. Believe it or not, we are all human, mistakes do happen and forgiveness is a huge thing to ask for when someone hurt someone you love(d). 

Today I am grateful to pursue my dreams, I have a supportive wife, a baby cooking in the oven and I have no idea what tomorrow holds, but I am going to be honest and face it head on. Real is not perception, it's being real. It's sitting in shit and being ok with it. Say that again, sitting in shit is ok. Yea, it's fine and we all have the ability to clean ourselves up and to continue down the path we want. Choices can make or break someone, huh? Being selfish is so much easier than being selfless, but what good does that give us? To give or not to give. 

Awareness is so crucial to one's emotional well-being. That is step 1 for anything in life. Understand there's something wrong and then you can fix using tools that work for YOU. Writing is just one of my tools. I am going to swim and sit in the hot tub today - that's another tool I have. I am going to meet up with Theo today and hang/work with him - being around good people is another tool I have. I have some oils that I smell to provide me with a little aromatherapy - also music is a huge mood changer as well. 

Explore yourself, be gentle to yourself, but be honest with yourself. 

All love,
Scott Emo